Arguing and making up in Spanish: disagreeing, calming down and apologising in Mexico, Spain, Colombia and Argentina
Sooner or later you disagree with someone in Spanish: a flatmate, a partner, a colleague, a friend at dinner. Your English instincts for softening and backing down do not always translate, and a phrase you use to calm things in one country can sound cold in another. Below is how to disagree politely, argue without insulting, ask for calm, and make up afterwards, with the version for Mexico, Spain, Colombia and Argentina wherever they differ.
Disagreeing, politely
| You want to say | Spanish | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| I don’t agree | No estoy de acuerdo. | Neutral everywhere |
| I see it differently | Yo lo veo distinto. / Yo lo veo de otra manera. | Softer than the line above |
| I understand, but… | Entiendo, pero… | |
| Maybe, but… | Puede ser, pero… | |
| You’re right about that | En eso tienes razón. / En eso tenés razón. (vos) / En eso tiene razón. (usted) | |
| You’re right | Tienes razón. / Tenés razón. (vos) | |
| I’m not so sure | No sé, no estoy tan seguro / segura. | Ending matches the speaker |
| It depends | Depende. | |
| That’s not what I said | Eso no es lo que dije. | |
| What I mean is… | Lo que quiero decir es… | |
| Let me finish | Déjame terminar. / Dejame terminar. (vos) / Déjeme terminar. (usted) | |
| Can I say something? | ¿Puedo decir algo? | |
| Let’s agree to disagree | Cada uno con su opinión. | Said with a shrug, it closes the topic |
Tener razón is the verb for being right. Soy correcto means “I am proper” and describes manners. To concede a point, say tienes razón; to concede the whole argument, te doy la razón.
Discutir, pelear and the rest
Discutir means both to discuss and to argue, and you tell which from the context. Discutimos de política can be a lively dinner. Discutí con mi novio is a row.
| Mexico | Spain | Colombia | Argentina | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| We had an argument | Nos peleamos. / Tuvimos una pelea. | Discutimos. / Tuvimos una bronca. | Nos peleamos. / Tuvimos una discusión. | Nos peleamos. / Discutimos. |
| I’m angry | Estoy enojado / enojada. | Estoy enfadado / enfadada. / Estoy cabreado / cabreada. | Estoy bravo / brava. / Estoy enojado / enojada. | Estoy enojado / enojada. |
| Don’t get angry | No te enojes. | No te enfades. / No te cabrees. | No se ponga bravo. (usted) / No te enojes. | No te enojes. / No te calentés. |
| It makes me angry | Me da coraje. | Me da rabia. | Me da rabia. | Me da bronca. |
The traps in that table:
- Pelearse in Mexico, Colombia and Argentina is the ordinary word for a verbal fight between partners or friends. In Spain discutir is the more usual word for a row.
- Bronca in Spain is a row or a telling-off: me echó la bronca, she told me off. In Argentina bronca is anger: me da bronca, it makes me angry. In Mexico bronca is a problem, and no hay bronca means no problem.
- Bravo in Colombia means angry. Está brava conmigo is she’s angry with me. Elsewhere bravo is brave, wild or fierce.
- Cabreado in Spain is angry and colloquial, fine among friends, too casual for a boss.
- Calentarse in Argentina means to get angry: no te calentés, don’t get worked up. Avoid estoy caliente, which most listeners hear as “I’m aroused”.
- Me da coraje in Mexico means it makes me angry. In most of Spain coraje is heard first as courage.
Sentido in Mexico means hurt or offended: está sentida conmigo, she’s upset with me. It describes hurt more than anger.
Keeping it from getting worse
| You want to say | Spanish | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Let’s talk calmly | Hablemos con calma. / Hablemos tranquilos. | |
| Don’t shout at me | No me grites. | In Argentina you also hear the vos form, no me grités |
| Don’t talk to me like that | No me hables así. / No me hablés así. (vos) | |
| I didn’t mean it that way | No lo dije con esa intención. / No lo dije en ese sentido. | |
| I didn’t mean to hurt you | No quise lastimarte. / No quise hacerte daño. | Lastimar is more common in Latin America, hacer daño in Spain |
| It hurt me that… | Me dolió que… + subjunctive | Me dolió que no me llamaras. It hurt that you didn’t call |
| I felt… | Me sentí… | Me sentí ignorado / ignorada. |
| It’s not that serious | No es para tanto. | Helpful about a thing, dismissive about a feeling |
| Let’s talk later | Mejor lo hablamos después. / Mejor lo platicamos luego. (Mexico) | |
| I need a moment | Necesito un momento. | |
| I’m going for a walk | Voy a dar una vuelta. | |
| Tone it down | Bájale. (Mexico) / Baja el tono. | Bájale is casual; use it with friends |
| Hold on, stop | Pará. (Argentina) / Para. (Spain) / Espérate. (Mexico) |
Cálmate is the literal “calm down”, and when the other person is upset, they take it as badly as “calm down” in English. Tranquilo or tranquila on its own is gentler everywhere. In Spain people shorten it to tranqui. In Argentina the vos form is calmate, stressed on ma.
In Colombia, tranquilo also means “no worries”, and you will hear it as the answer to an apology.
What to avoid
Say one of these lines in any country and the fight gets worse.
| Spanish | What it says | Why to avoid it |
|---|---|---|
| ¡Cállate! / ¡Callate! (vos) | Shut up | Rude everywhere between adults, even said half as a joke |
| Estás loco / loca. | You’re crazy | Among friends it can be affectionate. In an argument it dismisses the other person |
| Me da igual. (Spain) / Me vale. (Mexico) | I don’t care | Me vale is blunt; me vale madre is vulgar and worse |
| Lo que tú digas. / Lo que digas. | Whatever you say | Sounds like surrender and contempt at once |
| ¿Qué te pasa? | What’s wrong with you? | Can be concern or attack, and tone decides. Softer: ¿Qué pasó? |
| Siempre and nunca | Always, never | Siempre llegas tarde turns one complaint into a verdict |
If you switch from tú to usted in the middle of a row, with someone you normally call tú, people in Spain and Mexico hear cold distance. Colombia is different: in Bogotá and Medellín many couples and friends use usted with each other affectionately, so people read less into the switch. The usted post has the detail.
Admitting you were wrong
Each country has its own slang for “I messed up”.
| Mexico | Spain | Colombia | Argentina | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| I messed up | La regué. | Metí la pata. / La he liado. | La embarré. | La pifié. / Me mandé una macana. |
| I went too far | Me pasé. | Me he pasado. | Me pasé. | Me pasé. / Me zarpé. |
| You were right | Tenías razón. | Tenías razón. | Tenías razón. / Tenía razón. (usted) | Tenías razón. |
Meter la pata, to put your foot in it, is understood in all four countries. La cagué is common everywhere and vulgar; fine with friends, wrong with in-laws. Me zarpé is Argentine slang for “I overstepped”.
In Spain people use the present perfect, me he pasado, for something that just happened. In Mexico, Colombia and Argentina people use the simple past, me pasé, for the same moment.
Apologising after an argument
| You want to say | Spanish | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| I’m sorry | Lo siento. | The real apology, everywhere |
| Forgive me | Perdóname. / Perdoname. (vos) / Perdóneme. (usted) | Stronger than lo siento |
| I’m sorry about earlier | Perdón por lo de antes. | Lo de means “the thing with” |
| I’m sorry for shouting | Perdón por gritarte. | |
| It was my fault | Fue mi culpa. | |
| It wasn’t fair of me | No fue justo lo que dije. | |
| I didn’t mean it | No lo decía en serio. | |
| I was stressed | Estaba estresado / estresada. | Add pero no es excusa, but that’s no excuse |
| Can we talk? | ¿Podemos hablar? | |
| Are we okay? | ¿Estamos bien? | |
| Shall we make up? | ¿Hacemos las paces? | Hacer las paces is the everyday idiom |
| I don’t want to fight | No quiero pelear. / No quiero discutir. (Spain) |
The everyday perdón and disculpa are in the apologising and thanking post. After an argument, lo siento and perdóname are the serious forms; disculpa alone can sound like you bumped into someone.
Accepting an apology
| Mexico | Spain | Colombia | Argentina | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| It’s fine | Está bien. / No pasa nada. | No pasa nada. | Tranquilo / Tranquila. / Todo bien. | Todo bien. / Está todo bien. |
| Forget it | Olvídalo. / Ya pasó. | Olvídalo. / Ya está. | Olvídelo. (usted) / Ya pasó. | Olvidate. / Ya fue. |
| Me too | Yo también me pasé. | Yo también me he pasado. | Yo también me pasé. | Yo también me pasé. |
Ya fue in Argentina means “it’s done, it’s over”, said to close a subject. In Spain people say Ya está for the same thing.
If you are not ready to accept, say so plainly: Gracias por decirlo. Necesito un poco de tiempo. Thanks for saying it. I need a little time.
What you will hear
| You will hear | It means |
|---|---|
| ¿Qué te pasa? | What’s wrong? or What’s your problem? Tone decides |
| No te pongas así. | Don’t get like that |
| Te lo estás tomando a mal. | You’re taking it the wrong way |
| No es para tanto. | It’s not a big deal |
| Ya estuvo. (Mexico) | That’s enough, stop |
| ¡Basta! | Enough! Everywhere |
| No me vengas con eso. | Don’t give me that |
| ¿Me estás cargando? (Argentina) | Are you kidding me? |
| ¿Es en serio? | Seriously? |
| Ni modo. (Mexico) | Oh well, nothing to be done |
| Bueno, ya. | Okay, that’s it. Often the start of a truce |
| ¿Ya estamos bien? | Are we good now? |
How arguments sound in each country
Spaniards talk loudly and interrupt, and a hot debate about politics or football at a table is a pastime. Visitors often mistake it for a fight.
Mexicans avoid open confrontation more than the other three. They wrap disagreement in softeners, fíjate que…, la verdad es que…, and someone you do not know well can take a direct “no, you’re wrong” hard. A hurt Mexican friend may go quiet rather than argue.
Colombians keep politeness through tension, and often stay with usted. People tend to cool things with tranquilo and a change of subject. A raised voice between acquaintances is a serious step.
Argentines argue openly and enjoy it. Contradicting someone at a sobremesa, the long talk after a meal, is normal, and so is pará, pará to cut in.
Across all four, say cállate or insult someone’s family and the conversation is over. Swearing about a situation is common among friends. The swear words post has the details.
Ten sentences you can say tomorrow
- No estoy de acuerdo, pero entiendo lo que dices. I don’t agree, but I understand what you’re saying.
- Déjame terminar, por favor. Let me finish, please.
- Hablemos con calma. Let’s talk calmly.
- No lo dije con esa intención. I didn’t mean it that way.
- Me dolió que no me avisaras. It hurt that you didn’t tell me.
- Mejor lo platicamos mañana. Let’s talk about it tomorrow. (Mexico)
- Perdón, me he pasado. Sorry, I went too far. (Spain)
- Perdoname, la pifié. Forgive me, I messed up. (Argentina)
- Tranquilo, todo bien. Don’t worry, it’s all fine. (Colombia)
- ¿Hacemos las paces? Shall we make up?
Questions people ask
What is the difference between discutir and pelear? Discutir is to argue or to discuss, depending on context. Pelear is to fight. In Mexico, Colombia and Argentina pelearse is the usual word for a couple’s row. In Spain discutir is more usual.
How do you say “calm down” without sounding rude? Say tranquilo or tranquila, or hablemos con calma, let’s talk calmly. You can say cálmate, but it can sound like an order.
How do you say “I’m sorry” after a fight? Lo siento or perdóname, then name the thing: perdón por lo que dije. Disculpa alone is too light.
What does “me da bronca” mean? In Argentina and Uruguay it means “it makes me angry”. In Spain una bronca is a row, and in Mexico una bronca is a problem.
How do you say “let’s make up”? Hagamos las paces or, as a question, ¿hacemos las paces? You can say it in every country.
Is “cállate” rude? Yes, between adults. Among close friends it can be a joke; in an argument it is an insult.
How do you say “you’re right” in Argentina? Tenés razón, the vos form. Tienes razón is understood but sounds foreign there.
Practise these words
discutir, pelear, acuerdo, razón, enojado, enfadado, gritar, tranquilo, calmar, culpa, perdonar, paz, bronca. Vozelu is a free website for practising Spanish, and it has each of these. You see a sentence with one word missing, you type the word, and a native voice reads the sentence back. Practise the words on this page.