Dating in Spanish: the first message, asking someone out, and what to call it in Mexico, Spain, Colombia and Argentina
Dating is the one situation where a textbook phrase is worse than saying nothing. The register is wrong, the word is too strong, or it means something else two countries over. Below: the first message on an app, asking someone out, compliments that do not sound translated, the words for flirting, what to call each other, what to call the relationship, and how to say no kindly. The words differ between Mexico, Spain, Colombia and Argentina on nearly all of it, so the country is marked wherever it matters.
The first message
Short, specific, and one question. That part is the same everywhere. What changes is the form of address.
| Mexico | Spain | Colombia | Argentina | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Opening | Hola, ¿qué tal? or ¿Cómo estás? | Hola, ¿qué tal? or ¿Qué tal todo? | Hola, ¿cómo va? or ¿Cómo le va? | Hola, ¿cómo andás? |
| You form | tú (¿de dónde eres?) | tú (¿de dónde eres?) | usted is common even flirting (¿de dónde es?); Medellín uses vos | vos (¿de dónde sos?) |
| Nice to meet you | Mucho gusto. | Encantado / encantada. | Mucho gusto. | Un gusto. |
People are often surprised in Colombia. Usted there is not cold and not formal in the Spanish sense. A Bogotano will use usted with a partner of ten years, and if you switch to tú, people can take it as try-hard. People in Medellín and most of Antioquia use vos: ¿vos de dónde sos?, ¿querés que nos veamos? In Argentina vos is the only option and tú sounds like you learned Spanish from a book.
If you want a reply to a first message, say something about the profile.
| You want to say | Spanish | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Your photos from Oaxaca are great | Buenísimas las fotos de Oaxaca. | Naming the place does the work |
| Correct me if I get it wrong | Corrígeme si digo algo mal. / Corregime (Argentina) | |
| What are you up to this weekend? | ¿Qué planes tienes para el finde? | Finde is Spain and Argentina; Mexico and Colombia say el fin de semana |
What you will read back
| What you see | What it means |
|---|---|
| Hola, ¿qué tal? ¿Todo bien? | Neutral hello, keep going |
| Dale | Ok, go on (Argentina, Colombia) |
| Sale or va | Ok, deal (Mexico) |
| Vale | Ok (Spain) |
| Me dejó en visto | Left me on read |
| Me ghosteó | Ghosted me. Used in all four |
Asking someone out
The safest question in the language is a drink or a coffee, because it is short and easy to decline.
| Mexico | Spain | Colombia | Argentina | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Fancy a drink? | ¿Se te antoja un trago? | ¿Te apetece tomar algo? | ¿Le provoca un café? | ¿Tenés ganas de tomar algo? |
| Shall we go out? | ¿Salimos? | ¿Salimos? | ¿Salimos? | ¿Salimos? |
| Would you like to have dinner? | ¿Te gustaría cenar conmigo? | ¿Te apetece cenar un día? | ¿Le gustaría que saliéramos a cenar? | ¿Querés que cenemos? |
| Can I invite you for a coffee? | ¿Te invito un café? | ¿Te invito a un café? | ¿Le invito un tinto? | ¿Te invito un café? |
Apetecer is a Spain word. ¿Te apetece? in Mexico City is understood and sounds imported. The equivalents are antojarse in Mexico (se me antoja un café), provocar in Colombia (¿le provoca?), and tener ganas in Argentina.
Invitar means to pay. Whoever says te invito un café buys it. To suggest going without offering to pay, say ¿vamos por un café?
¿Te late? in Mexico means does that appeal to you, and it is casual and friendly.
The first date
| You want to say | Spanish | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| I’ll pick you up at eight | Paso por ti a las ocho. / Paso por vos (Argentina) | |
| This is on me | Yo invito. | |
| Let’s split it | Vamos a medias. | Spain also a escote or a la romana |
| I had a great time | La pasé muy bien. (Mexico, Colombia, Argentina) / Me lo pasé genial. (Spain) | |
| Text me when you get home | Escríbeme cuando llegues. / Escribime (Argentina) | Standard courtesy, not clingy |
Where the date happens. In Spain it is drinks, unas cañas or a vermut, and dinner starts at half nine or ten. Argentines keep the same hours, and a first date is often a bar, a café, or un helado in summer. In Bogotá un tinto or a beer after work is the standard opener. In Mexico a date can be anything from a café to unos tacos to a bar, and lunch is a real option because the midday meal is the big one.
Ten to twenty minutes late is unremarkable in Mexico, Colombia and Argentina, and nobody apologises much. Spaniards are closer to on time for a booked table and loose for drinks.
Who pays. In Mexico and Colombia there is still a strong expectation that the person who invited pays, and in practice that often means the man on a first date. If you refuse the offer too firmly, the other person can take it as a rebuke. In Spain and Argentina splitting is ordinary and vamos a medias is a normal thing to say at the table. The clean move everywhere is to offer once with yo invito, and if the other person insists on splitting, take it.
Compliments
The rule is to compliment what someone chose or did before you compliment how they look.
| You want to say | Spanish | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| You look lovely | Estás guapísima / guapísimo. (Spain, Mexico) / Qué linda / lindo estás. (Colombia, Argentina) | Estar, not ser, for tonight |
| I like the way you talk about your work | Me gusta cómo hablas de tu trabajo. | Specific and easy to answer |
| I like you | Me gustas. / Me gustás. (Argentina) | Direct and normal |
| You’re cute | Estás bien chula / chulo. (Mexico) / Qué mono / mona. (Spain) |
The ones a learner gets wrong.
Eres muy caliente is the classic disaster. Caliente means aroused or hot-tempered, never attractive. Use guapo, guapa, lindo, linda, bonita, hermosa.
Estás buena and estás bueno are about the body, and people hear them as crude from a stranger.
Chulo means different things by country. In Mexico chula means cute and is a genuine compliment. In Spain un chulo is a cocky show-off, so calling a Spaniard chulo is an insult, and chulo about an object means cool.
Mona means cute in Spain. In Colombia mona means blonde or fair-skinned, a description rather than a compliment.
Te ves bien is fine in Mexico and Colombia. In Spain it sounds translated, and estás guapa or estás guapo is what people say.
The words for flirting
| Word | Where | What it carries |
|---|---|---|
| coquetear | All four | Neutral, slightly literary. To flirt |
| ligar | Spain | To chat someone up, to pull. Salir a ligar is going out to meet someone. Elsewhere ligar is understood but mostly means to tie or link |
| tirar los tejos | Spain | To make a pass at someone. Old-fashioned and still used |
| tirar la onda | Mexico | To flirt with someone, to send signals |
| echar los perros | Mexico, Colombia | To pursue someone openly. Playful, slightly comic |
| vacilar | Colombia | To see someone casually. Están vacilando means something is going on |
| chamuyar | Argentina | To sweet-talk. It also means to talk rubbish, and both senses are alive at once |
| el chamuyo | Argentina | The patter itself. Qué chamuyero says someone is laying on the charm |
Outside Spain, ligar is read literally by many people, so use coquetear. Chamuyar is never fully a compliment, and if you call someone un chamuyero, you are saying you do not quite believe the charm.
Terms of endearment, and when they are too soon
| Word | Where | When |
|---|---|---|
| cariño | Spain mainly | Early is fine in Spain, where it is also used between friends and by shopkeepers. In Latin America it is a real step |
| mi amor | All four | In Mexico and Colombia strangers and waiters say it with no romance attached. From a date, it means something, and it is early before there is a relationship |
| mi vida | All four | Established couples, and parents to children |
| corazón | Mexico, Spain | Warm and also used to strangers in Mexico |
| gordo, gorda | Argentina, Colombia | Affectionate and nothing to do with weight. Very common between Argentine couples and family |
| sumercé | Bogotá, Boyacá | An old courtesy form used affectionately. Charming from a local, odd from a visitor |
| papi, mami | Colombia, Caribbean coast | Everyday and unromantic between family and friends, romantic between partners. Easy to misread |
People take an endearment before there is an agreed relationship as rushing in all four countries. Guapa and linda as a greeting are light. Mi amor from someone you have met twice is heavy.
What to call it
English has “dating” and Spanish has no one word for it.
| Mexico | Spain | Colombia | Argentina | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| We’re seeing each other | Estamos saliendo. or Andamos. | Estamos saliendo. or Estamos liados. | Estamos saliendo. or Estamos vacilando. | Estamos saliendo. |
| A casual thing | un free, algo sin compromiso | un rollo, un lío | un vacile | algo casual, algo pasajero |
| Friends who are more | amigovio / amigovia | amigos con derecho a roce | amigovio or amigos con derechos | amigovio / amigovia |
| My boyfriend, my girlfriend | mi novio, mi novia | mi novio, mi novia | mi novio, mi novia | mi novio, mi novia |
| Partner, no gender, more serious | mi pareja | mi pareja | mi pareja | mi pareja |
| We made it official | Ya somos novios. | Estamos juntos. | Ya cuadramos. | Nos pusimos de novios. |
| A relationship | una relación | una relación | una relación | una relación |
Three notes on that table.
There is an asking moment in Mexico and Colombia. Novio and novia are not automatic. Someone asks, and until then you are saliendo. In Mexico the verb is pedir: me pidió que fuera su novia, he asked me to be his girlfriend. In Colombia it is cuadrar: ya cuadramos, we are together. Spain has less of a ritual and couples often slide into estamos juntos with no conversation.
Novio is heavier in Spain than “boyfriend”. Many Spanish adults say mi pareja, and novio can sound young. In Argentina ponerse de novios is an explicit step.
Un free is Mexican and means a no-strings arrangement. Un rollo in Spain is a fling, usually as tener un rollo con alguien. Rollo also means a hassle or a long boring thing, so you tell from the verb.
Saying no, kindly
Short and warm is the standard in all four countries.
| You want to say | Spanish | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| I had a nice time, but I don’t feel it | La pasé bien, pero no siento que haya algo más. | Me lo pasé bien in Spain |
| There wasn’t a spark | No saltó la chispa. | Very common in Spain |
| I’m not looking for anything right now | No estoy buscando nada ahora mismo. | |
| I’m not interested, sorry | No me interesa, disculpa. | Direct. Use it when softer forms are ignored |
Dar calabazas in Spain means to turn someone down, said afterwards by other people: le dieron calabazas. Plantón in Spain and Mexico means being stood up: me dio plantón. In Argentina and Colombia people say me dejó plantado.
The second-date text
Send it the next day.
| Mexico | Spain | Colombia | Argentina | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Last night was great | La pasé muy bien anoche. | Me lo pasé genial anoche. | Anoche estuvo muy chévere. | La pasé re bien anoche. |
| Shall we do it again? | ¿Repetimos? | ¿Repetimos? | ¿Repetimos? | ¿Repetimos? |
In Argentina you put re in front of anything to intensify it: re bien, re lindo, re copado. Chévere is Colombia’s all-purpose good, and Mexico’s is padre or chido, Spain’s is guay.
What their friends will ask
You will be asked these, in front of the person, at a dinner table.
| What you will hear | Where | What it means |
|---|---|---|
| ¿Y ustedes qué son? | Mexico, Colombia | So what are you two |
| ¿Sois novios o qué? | Spain | Are you together or what |
| ¿Ya cuadraron? | Colombia | Are you a couple yet |
| ¿Están de novios? | Argentina | Are you together |
The safe answers: Estamos saliendo, vamos viendo (we are seeing each other, taking it as it comes), Es reciente (it is new), Pregúntale a él o a ella (ask him, ask her), which in Argentina is preguntale.
Meeting the family is a bigger marker in Mexico and Colombia than in Spain or Argentina. An invitation to Sunday lunch is a statement about the relationship.
Ten sentences you can say tomorrow
- Hola, ¿qué tal? Me encantó tu foto de Cartagena. Hi, how are you? I loved your photo from Cartagena.
- ¿Te apetece tomar algo el jueves? Fancy a drink on Thursday? (Spain)
- ¿Se te antoja un café mañana? Do you fancy a coffee tomorrow? (Mexico)
- ¿Le provoca salir el sábado? Would you like to go out on Saturday? (Colombia, usted)
- ¿Tenés ganas de salir este finde? Do you fancy going out this weekend? (Argentina, vos)
- Estoy aprendiendo español, corrígeme si digo algo mal. I’m learning Spanish, correct me if I say something wrong.
- Me gusta cómo hablas de tu trabajo. I like the way you talk about your work.
- Yo invito. Si quieres, la próxima vamos a medias. This is on me. Next time we can split it if you like.
- La pasé muy bien anoche. ¿Repetimos? I had a great time last night. Shall we do it again?
- Me caíste muy bien, pero prefiero que quedemos como amigos. I really liked you, but I’d rather we stayed friends.
Questions people ask
How do I say “dating” in Spanish? There is no single word. Salir con alguien is going out with someone, estamos saliendo is the status, and a date itself is una cita. In Mexico people also say andar con alguien.
What is the difference between “me gustas” and “te quiero”? Me gustas is I like you, romantically, and is a normal thing to say early. Te quiero is I love you, used with partners, family and close friends. Te amo is stronger and more romantic, common in Mexico and Colombia and rarer in Spain, where people use te quiero for most of it.
How do I say “my partner” without saying boyfriend or girlfriend? Mi pareja. You can use it for any gender and any relationship, and adults use it in all four countries.
What does “ligar” mean outside Spain? In Mexico, Colombia and Argentina, mostly to tie or connect things. The flirting sense is understood from Spanish television, though people use coquetear, tirar la onda, echar los perros or encarar instead.
Is it rude to use usted with someone I’m interested in, in Colombia? No. Usted is the everyday form in Bogotá between friends, couples and family. If you switch to tú to sound closer, you can get the opposite effect. People in Medellín use vos.
When can I call someone “mi amor”? After there is something to call it. In Mexico and Colombia you will also hear mi amor and corazón from waiters and shopkeepers, which is friendliness and nothing more.
What is “amigovio”? Amigo and novio joined together, a friend who is more than a friend. Used in Argentina and Mexico. In Spain it is amigos con derecho a roce.
Practise these words
salir, gustar, cita, invitar, novio, pareja, querer, coquetear, cariño, linda, conocerse, quedar, chispa. Vozelu is a free website for practising Spanish, and it has each of these. You see a sentence with one word missing, you type the word, and a native voice reads the sentence back. Practise the words on this page. You practise gustar practised in the me gustas shape, where the person you like is the subject.